Day 4 Getting Paid to Poop

Good evening everyone.  Let me start by apologizing because I completely forgot to take a picture of last night's meal. I ordered it at 6:30 and it usually only takes about 30 minutes but since the kitchen staff has it out for me my food was not delivered until 7:45. At this point in time my excitement overcame me and I was half done my meal before realizing that it needed to be documented. Luckily I took notes so you won't have to worry.  Last night I had chicken stir fry over rice with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy, a garden salad, pretzels and (wait for it)......... a butterscotch pudding. My first mistake was ordering the butterscotch pudding. The chocolate has been tried and true and it will be a couple more days before I venture away from that again to give the vanilla a chance.  The stir fry was pretty good, a little heavy on the sauce and light on the chicken but the amount of vegetables, specifically red and green peppers which I thoroughly enjoy, was more than adequate. The mashed potatoes were not quite as good this time, as they were lukewarm (who knew that lukewarm was one word? Lukewarm, luke warm, luke warm. I think it should be 2 words) at best and the gravy was distinctly lacking in flavor, I definitely need to remember to request salt more regularly.  Again the salad was a delight as always and the pretzels made a great snack at 2 am. Now the entire time you've been reading this you've probably been thinking to yourself, "What the fuck is this cat doing in the picture below this food review?" Well, I felt bad not giving a picture of what I ate so I included a cute picture of my cousin, Tom Snowe's cat which I borrowed from facebook. Thanks Tom!!!

This is Lola. Isn't she pretty!? Thanks again Tom. Hope you're reading.

Moving on. So last night was another great night of sleep after passing out around 2:30am following a couple episodes of Bones on Netflix (great timing with uploading season 8 just yesterday).  I woke up this morning with a nurse hovering over my bed, she claims to have been there to check my vital signs (blood pressure and temperature) which they do every 8 hours, but I think she just enjoys watching me sleep. I am very handsome after all, just ask my mom. After my vital signs were checked about 6 doctors came into my room, for what is essentially rounds. They asked me about my symptoms which I was able to inform them for the time being have completely disappeared, in fact I feel better today than I did the day I was admitted to the hospital. I may or may not have been slightly hungover on Sunday as it was the first Sunday in 3 months I haven't had to get up early to deliver bread.

Shortly after the doctors left my breakfast arrived which consisted of pumpkin french toast with real Vermont maple syrup, an orange juice, an apple juice and a banana.  The french toast was very good, I'm not much of a french toast fan to begin with so I did find it to be a little rich as a breakfast item but the pumpkin flavors were definitely a delight, very subtle and not overwhelming on the palate.  I was also presently surprised with the amount of maple syrup they provided me with, definitely enough to cover everything but not to drench them.  The banana was fresh and the orange juice was clearly from concentrate, but I guess I am spoiled, getting fresh orange juice whenever I make it down to Florida. Overall it's a decent breakfast but I think tomorrow I'm going to give the breakfast sandwich a try, lighter sounds better for breakfast. If there is anyone is confused about the day number on the schedule above, that is done by days since vaccination, while mine day count is based around my admittance to the hospital.

After breakfast I made it into the common room where I had the opportunity to play some Wii Sports Resorts edition games with my fellow test subjects. The competition became pretty competitive especially when playing the sword fighting game which was much more responsive than I would have imagined, and once I started to break a sweat I decided this had become a little too intense and sat out for awhile, giving others a chance to try a kayak racing game.  During this time I also realized that it was nearly noon, and worrying about the nurses threatening me again with the dreaded cotton swab up my rectum I thought  a cup of coffee might do the trick.  Within 30 minutes I had successfully produced a sample of type 2 consistency. Proud that my main job for the day had already been completed I returned to the common room to order lunch and participate in more Wii activities.

I was feeling particularly healthy around lunch time today and decided to go with the cottage cheese a fruit platter which also comes with a slice of banana bread, as well as a cup of chicken noodle soup, a side salad, an apple juice, and the ever faithful chocolate pudding. Current pudding tally 8 (I managed to get one as a snack while I waited for lunch to arrive). The fruit platter was an excellent choice!  While I admit the strawberries were soft and should be avoided the pineapple, cantaloupe, melon, and oranges were all very good, although the grapes also weren't calling my name today so they remained behind to keep the strawberries company.  The cottage cheese was also very good and was a very good serving size.  The banana bread was without a doubt the highlight of my day, as it was moist, flavorful, hearty in weight, and importantly, without nuts.  If you ever need to have an impatient stay at Fletcher Allen, the banana bread is right up there with the chicken caesar salad, and the chocolate pudding on the "MUST HAVE" list. No one tell my mommy, but Fletcher Allen could give her a run for her money, and she might have to step up her banana bread game if she ever wants me to come back to Florida.  The chicken noodle soup on the other hand was oddly thick, sitting somewhere in limbo between a soup and stew as far as consistency, given this could have been caused by its tepid (look at this impressive vocabulary) temperature.  Probably worth giving another shot in the future, but only if I get around to it.  

There was originally a bit more fruit but hunger got the better of my and I had a few pieces before getting a picture.

After lunch I had the chance to catch up with some of the other patients to get updates on the general level of symptoms currently occurring within the 10 or so people staying here.  I believe 3 of us are currently in bad enough shape that they have been given IV drips in order to keep their fluids up, while a couple of us are experiencing pretty mild symptoms such as the abdominal pressure I previously stated, bloating and some nausea.  One guy in particular experienced a very rough night, experiencing multiple episodes of type 6 and 7 stools, some vomiting and a fever reaching as high as 102.  He was only able to get about 3 hours of sleep and word on the street is he might get the antibiotics early. Let's hope he does because I've been laughing at his misfortune so much I imagine karmic retribution is right around the corner.  Other than that for the most part we seem to be a relatively healthy bunch and I overheard a researcher, who was visiting yesterday as he traveled around the US to the multiple sites where this study is being conducted, that as a whole we are much healthier than any other of the sites he has seen so far.  Others have attributed this to us being hearty individuals as residence of Vermont, but my theory is the cheese rich diet which we enjoy is slowing our digestive tract down to a crawl.  The cholera might even be a little cleansing for some individuals.

The biggest issue I have run into lately is the use of the "hats" in the toilets. An unforeseen consequence of none of my excrement ever reaching the water is that is sits in the hat in the open air releasing a less than pleasant odor.  After......depositing the sample into the "hat" I wash my hands then leave the bathroom, closing the door behind me and page a nurse to come collect the presents I have left for her in the bathroom. Usually it is only a couple of minutes before they are able to come collect the samples but while writing this blog I left a second sample for the nurses, this time type 4, and they were a bit preoccupied with some of the other samples which required more immediate attention than mine.  This caused my sample to be left unattended in the bathroom for roughly 20 minutes. When they did have the chance to come collect the sample, the door to my bathroom was opened. In the short time it took the nurse collect my sample and leave the bathroom, shutting the door behind her my entire room filled the the unpleasant small. Overall this isn't much more than an annoyance but it's definitely something I could live without.

The culprits of the crimes to my nose.

Tonight for dinner I'm thinking about going with a classic. A nice turkey sandwich. Maybe I can get a side of banana bread? 

I felt like today's post was a little picture light so I here is my work station.

Also thanks again to Matt Blanchard for providing me with the GIF that explains my life in a nutshell right now.  If you haven't had a chance to see it on facebook today just check it out right here Getting Paid to Poop

I'm Pooped.

P.S.- Please stop reminding me that I haven't posted anything to the blog yet, by 12pm not a lot has happened to me yet and I do spend a considerable amount of time making these to make sure they are as fun and entertaining as I am (an INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT thing to do).