Monday, October 7, 2013

Day 1 Welcome to the General Research Clinic

Hello everyone, welcome to my blog where I will be documenting my experiences here in the hospital as I test an experimental vaccine for Cholera, a bacteria that when ingested through contaminated food or water causes moderate to severe diarrhea.  As part of the study I drank either the real vaccine or a placebo 10 days ago.  Tomorrow morning I will be drinking some water which contains live cholera bacteria.  If I received the actual vaccine I should spend the next 11 days relatively comfortable except for some boredom.  If I received the placebo then I will begin to show the symptoms which include abdominal pain, vomiting, and of course the one I'm most excited for, "rice water diarrhea".  Thanks to my coworker Catherine Orr I have been introduced to the Bristol Stool Scale, which I will be using for duration of my hospital stay to keep everyone updated on the status of my bowel movements.  Also thanks to Julie Wolfman for helping me come up with the URL for this blog and providing me with more crappy puns (ahhhhhh) than I know what to do with.

I checked into the hospital at around 2pm today and proceeded to take a nap and then ordered dinner.  I've attached the whole menu which I intend to eat in its entirety during my inpatient stay. Tonight I decided to play it safe and went with penne with alfredo sauce with a side salad and a roll.  Although the portions are smaller than I want, I can order as much food as I want between 6am and 8pm and there are snacks available 24 hours a day.  After dinner I spent the rest of my night watching cable TV as I haven't had it since living in the dorms.  Later on the one of the nurses collected the first sample (type 3) I left for her in the bathroom, and even though I might have a rough time while in here, I think I would rather be the one expelling the samples rather than the one collecting them.

After my first night in the hospital I've realized that sleeping may be harder than I expected as the bed isn't the most comfortable, although I am taking full advantage of it many features and pretending to be in old person who has a inclinable bed.  Also the clock on my wall is the worlds loudest clock, and it might mysteriously fall off the wall before the end of the week. I have been informed that any damages I cause while here will be deducted from my compensation but this may be a necessary expense.

It is now 6am which means that in the next three hours I will be drinking a solution containing saline, baking soda (to neutralize my stomach acid I assume), and live cholera bacteria.  In as little as 6 hours or as many as 72 hours after ingesting this concoction I will begin to learn whether or not I received the live vaccine.  There is also a chance that even if I received the live vaccine that I will still show symptoms of cholera as I have type O blood which makes me especially sensitive to the bacteria, but at least the symptoms should be significantly less severe than if I had the placebo.

I apologize if the formatting is a little weird I'm still experimenting with this whole blog thing. I've attached a picture of the menu so that everyone can be jealous of all of this delicious food that may be passing right through my body leaving it even faster than it went in. If anyone wants reviews of the food just send me a request of what you like reviewed and I will order it at my earliest convenience.

I'm pooped.

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